So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
