We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
