walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Let's paint friendship bongs
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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