I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
