sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
