Just cropdusted the office
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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