Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Can Purell be used as lube?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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