Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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