we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
