Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
