Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
