In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
