Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My ass is underappreciated
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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