we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
