Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
