apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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