the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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