Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
