hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
