Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
