My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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