those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
