I got chris browned last night
Can i not drive my cunt home
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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