There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
