I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
