Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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