Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize