I want to have your abortion
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
