so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
