OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
