The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
