The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
