I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
