and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
