My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
