You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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