I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
