I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
