my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
