you suck at this game today
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.