I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.