Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
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I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?