Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
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Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.