you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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