Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
