did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
