There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
