wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
