Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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