People in love make me want to vomit
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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