I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
