i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
