I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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