I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
