I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
