I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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