pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
