i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
