We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
