So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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