She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
