"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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