My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
