Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
