Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
