i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
