What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
