I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
