I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
