my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
