just tell him i said nine months
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
