I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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