I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
