I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
