Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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