I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
