even my farts smell like vagina
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
