Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
