I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
