dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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